What Matters Most is How You See Yourself

I am not good enough. My existence doesn't matter. I don't have the smarts. To become ______ is too much work. Nobody thinks I can do ______. I am a failure. I am a disappointment to those around me.

These are thoughts that I have had throughout my life. It isn't all the time of course, I am not filled with complete self-loathing. But I would be lying if I said that each one hadn't cycled through my head at one point. Most people will have these thoughts at some point, and having depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness for that matter, can just increase the frequency that these negative feelings circle around our happiness. But this post isn't about having depression, or a mental illness, it is about being you.

My entire life I have been a basket case. I have constantly worried about what will happen next, what if I don't look good enough, what if that one person doesn't like me, and so on. I couldn't make own decisions, so I would rely on others to make them for me. And my whole life, I have had dreams and goals that are completely out of reach. Why? Because I put them there. I put my goals so high on a pedestal that I knew I could never reach them. I told myself that because I didn't believe that I was amazing, I couldn't do amazing things. I brainwashed myself into believing that I couldn't do it. I would get depressed, I would have panic attacks, and I would hate myself for being who I was. The person I wanted to be didn't exist, so I just became what I was based on what was popular or cool. I just was and I didn't want to be here anymore because I was nothing.

In my brain, things stick. That one time way back 4 years ago when someone commented on how that dress didn't look good on me, it has stuck with me since then. And that one time I was teased about my personality, that has always haunted me. And no matter how many times I was told "their opinion doesn't matter" and that it wasn't true, I could not believe it. I have fought with myself my whole life on believing I am strong enough, pretty enough, and smart enough. And even though a lot of people feel that way, I felt alone. I had an amazing friend once tell me:

 "If you look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful enough times, you start to believe it."

She probably doesn't remember telling me that, but it has stuck with me forever, and it changed my life. That day, I realized that I am my own person. I am not my depression, anxiety, fear or any of those things. Those are just things that I got stuck with, but I am so much more than that. I am as successful as I allow myself to be. I am as smart as I want to be. I am as pretty as I believe I am. I am as brave as I choose. I am what I want to be. I am the ONLY person standing in the way of what I want and who I want to become. I am the ONLY person holding myself back from greatness. I am the ONLY person who can truly make myself fail.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than you." -Dr. Suess

Now, I still struggle with down days, as does anyone. But now I see a different person in the mirror and in photographs. I see an amazing woman, someone who has overcome trials she never could have imagined. A beautiful woman who does whatever she sets her mind to do. A kind woman who loves those around her and loves to serve. A funny woman who has a sense of humor that isn't at others' expense. A successful woman who will be remembered in a positive light. A smart woman who has filled herself with knowledge and good. A caring woman who loves her family dearly.

We are destined to be so much more than we can even imagine. We are capable of reaching every dream we desire. You are never alone. If nobody else is there to hear you, I am. But YOU are the only one holding yourself back.

     -Autumn

My Newest Productive Obsession

Those who are closest to me know that I am a perfectionist with almost everything in my life. Especially with things I have to write in. Hence the reason I hate planners. If I make even the smallest mistake or have to scribble something out (who uses pencils these days???) I get super discouraged and will rarely use the planner or notebook again. I know, wasteful. However, at the beginning of this year I discovered a new tracking system. It is called The Bullet Journal.

Never heard of the bullet journal? Seriously look into it! It is a planner, and a journal, and a to-do list, and a calendar all in one! The best part? It is made to be imperfect! The whole idea is to change your layouts, tracking system, and format over and over again until you find a system that works for you! My bullet journal consists of doodles, and lists upon lists, but it has helped me organize my life in a way I had never heard of!

You don't have to use the book designed for the Bullet Journal, but it certainly is nice! Any notebook will do! I personally am using a Moleskine Hardcover Notebook and I am very pleased with it so far, although I plan on trying the Leuchtturm 1917 Hardcover Notebook because the pages are supposed to be thicker as to help prevent bleeding! The best part (besides the amazing covers) is that they come in all different colors, which is a huge must-have to me!

There are tons of designs, and layouts all over the internet, pinterest being my personal favorite source. And you can make your BuJo as simple or complex as you want. I keep mine at a happy-medium, not too crazy but still plenty colorful (pictures to come!) If you haven't heard of The Bullet Journal, please look into it. It is the best customize-able and quick tracking system I have found, considering I prefer old fashioned paper and pen over keeping everything in my phone. It is definitely worth your time to take a peek into how this system is set up.


     -Autumn

*This post contains affiliate links, which I may receive compensation for if items are purchased through me. I only recommend products that I personally love and want to share.*

My Very Own "Miracle Morning"

As of today, it has almost been a week since I started applying a new daily routine into my lifestyle. Almost every morning, I have been incorporating a few goals to start off my day positively. This routine consists of:

• Getting up at 5:00 am to do a yoga session
• Meditation and prayer
• Reading my scriptures and/or another book
• Visualizing my success in an area in my life
• Reading out loud affirmations
• Journal writing

If you are anything like me, getting up before 6:30 in the morning is not really a possibility, let alone working out AND being completely productive, ALL before the sun has even thought about returning for the day. I am as far from being a morning person as you can get, which is what makes this routine so crazy. No, this is not some magical energy pill, or crazy diet I have started. Its a system created by Hal Elrod that I learned about from a book he wrote.

The is book called The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM) and I can't even begin to explain the affect it has had on me in just one week. To summarize, this book goes in depth about changing mentality to change your life. Hal explains that the first hour of your day, determines the productiveness of your day and that the only people standing in the way of what we want, is ourselves. He describes the steps he took to turn his life around (he has a VERY crazy life story) and lists them along with how to correctly pick up these habits.

I have been waking up before my alarm even goes off this week, feeling energized and excited to stick to my new routine. It is literally so far from being normal for me, so of course I am intrigued to continue and see what I can accomplish. I will check back in periodically to update my progress and share my experience, but for now I would highly suggest looking into reading or listening to this book if you want to change your life in way you don't expect.

      - Autumn

*This post contains affiliate links, which I may receive compensation for if items are purchased through me. I only recommend products that I personally love and want to share.*

The First Season

Starting a blog is something I have thought about doing for quite some time. I have wanted to share my life, my love story, my hobbies, my testimony and my journey throughout this life with as many people as possible. It has taken me to a while to come up with a name, some post ideas, and even just the motivation to finally get this started, but I am thrilled to be starting this new adventure. I hope for this to become a journal and a documentation of my life, and everyone is welcome to join me.

      - Autumn